I'm Sorry
by holickixkstar
Summary: If I had said "I'm sorry" more clearly, the both of us wouldn't end up this way. But I guess it's too late now.


This song never leave me alone! It's been ringing in my brain for weeks! This ought to be write down. Not exactly a song-fic, but it was based on the lyric translation of 'Gomen ne' by TIARA. It's the ED song for xxxHOLiC OAD Rou:Adayume. I did realize the lyrics are quite...suggestive... so no bashing! Bash somewhere else for pete sake! And it's not beta... it's 2 am and I have test at 10... too lazy to reread... I'll do it some other time... WataDou alert!

Watanuki's POV.

* * *

><p>"If you do something wrong, you have to apologize honestly,"<p>

That's what something that everyone learned from their childhood. Parents made sure their children understood this concept, as one of the great value to carry to their adults. My own parents taught me these, before they passed away in the accident.

I make sure I practiced this wherever I go; I wouldn't want to disappoint my parents. Even though the 'parents' might not even real; and only exist in my conscious memory. It became a habit, apologize to people around.

However, I wonder then, since when did my heart become so stubborn?

I'd apologized a lot to people around me, and praised as a good boy for it. I wonder now, how come I became so stubborn?

I know I need to apologize. Sooner or later, this has yet to be done. I've done wrong. I have to say "I'm sorry."

But I didn't.

I think both of us are hypocrite, in a way. Or at least stubborn.

We didn't hide our feelings from each other. We look into each other eyes and let the understanding between us flow naturally. We don't need to speak a word sometimes to understand each other's minds. But we are not psychics, we sometimes oblivious to what one stare after another means.

In a way, it's like we always run from our own problems.

It's not like we were coward to face them. After everything that we went through, I bet the word 'scared' are not even implied in our life dictionaries.

Unlike the word 'fear'.

They are two different things anyway.

I would really like to apologize to you. I do. I can't just think about it. I have to say it. Even if I know the words won't reach you.

If only I said "I'm sorry" clearly, the both of us wouldn't end up this way, aren't we?

You don't have to go, and I don't have to stay.

Like I said, we're so stubborn.

Do you ever wonder how it is if all these never happened?

If I never saw this shop?

If I never made the wish?

If I never met her?

If I never met you?

…If you never met me?

There's only 'if's in our lives now, isn't it? If only I could press the undo button and do it all again…

Did you ever think of that? Ever wish for it?

I know its disgrace. Everything is inevitable, anyway. Well, I have to admit, everything up until now is rather good.

But why is it like this?

How is it come to this?

I never realized how difficult it is, this thing. The two of us. Both of us. We. Us.

Never realized that it would be so difficult for us to go back to the way things were. It was easier when I was knocking fists at you and you just stood there with a finger in your ear.

Guess we're too caught up in our own time to realize it, huh?

Every time I think about this, I always felt a pang deep in my heart. It was like it was there, permanent. I always smiled when I felt it, because I'm sure this pain is the same with yours too. At least I feel your pain, and you feel mine.

Perhaps, is it because we've been hurting each other too much?

This is why I want to "I'm sorry" to you. I want to say it so bad…

I'm sure the 'me' back then would laugh out loud if he find out.

The 'me' back then would never even say "thank you" to you, much less "I'm sorry".

Now that I think about it, if only I had said "I'm sorry" to you sooner, would everything between us change?

Could I still been laughing with you today? Drinking wine together? Enjoying the moon-view with each other?

I don't want to know. I'm sure you didn't want to know it either.

I stopped acting like a child long ago. I believe myself to grow up, to be more mature.

But apparently, I couldn't even become an adult.

An adult would say that words to you by now.

No matter how many times I have to say it, I just want to say it. Loud and clear. It doesn't matter if it doesn't reach you. I just hope I could say it.

Even if I'm going to regret being swept away by these fleeting feelings, then I should have said those words honestly, right?

Besides, you're not mine. And neither am I yours.

It used to be. It could be. Once upon a time ago.

It's different now. You're married and I'm…here.

I'm not dense. I never was. You had always known. Kohane-chan knew it ever since we met her. Even Mokona. Himawari-chan. Oba-chan. Ame-Warashi. Zashiki-Warashi. _She _knew it all along.

We love each other.

You can't imagine my feelings when the time in the shop seemed to stand still, the clocks stop ticking and Maru, Moro and Mokona were asleep.

You can't imagine the gap left in my heart at those times. With my loose yukata and _her_ pipe.

Because of the loneliness without you by my side.

_A tear_.

I think I cried. A few times.

I want to say it to you. I want to say "I'm sorry" to you clearly.

If I had said it; the both of us wouldn't end up this way, aren't we?

Please forgive me.

I guess it might be too late by now, but…

"I'm sorry."

_I'm really sorry._

_~owari~  
><em>


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